A Me From Before

This is a poem I wrote from an earlier, emotionally challenging time in my life.  I had gone off prozac and was quite irritable, anxious and depressed.  So, I wrote a poem about it.   I hope you like it!

The Houseguest

One day I decided to sit down

with the demon of irritibility

and have it out.

“I do not like you,” I said aloud,

“Yet here you are everyday

living in my house

making a mess

eating the last of the fruit

so there is not a single apple

or banana

left for the next person.

You really annoy me,

you lousy houseguest!

Your righteous behavior

making me feel all hot and bothered

and irrational beyond control,

so that stupid things

like leaving on the lights

or forgetting to wipe up the spills

make me feel like I want to explode.

And you screw with my head

the way you influence my words,

your luring voice

whispering horrible advice into my ears,

so that my actions

become things I so deeply regret

I cannot sleep that night.

I toss and turn

until finally a light sleep comes,

and I dream about me in high-school

and I’m completely panicked

because I’ve forgotten to study

for a really big test.

You are like a leech, you rotten s.o.b!

You make me say things I don’t want to say,

do things I don’t want to do,

and I’m trying to take

responsibility for my behavior,

but it’s really hard not to blame you

and I truly wish you dead.

But you rush in so fast

and come on so strong

there’s not even time

to properly plan your murder.

An idea I think about often

as I’m picking up the pieces

from a mess that you made,

you lousy, ungrateful wretch!

So how do I get rid of you,

you wretched parasite!?

How do I get you

to go on your way?

I despise your presence

yet here you are

every single

damn day.

Diana Ray (written sometime in 2011)

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