The Witch With No Hat

In my early 30’s I took a stab at children’s story writing. I have a couple of bi-products from this I would love to share, this one included. It makes me laugh when I read it, and given my past few days, I need some childlike humor. Really this should appear around Halloween, but in the mean time you can eat some chocolate while you read this. I hope you like it!

Diana Ray

The Witch With No Hat
written sometime in 2000

There once was a witch
who wore no hat,
she lived in a house
with a fat old cat.

She had a long broom
and a long black dress,
her tangled hair-
a nesty mess.

Now this witch with no hat
and her fat old cat,
liked to fly her big broom
across the sky and back.

They loved to do tricks
go fast and then slow,
do twirlies, write letters,
put on a broom show!

“Why bother with wearing
a big old hat?
It’ll fall off, I’ll lose it,”
she told her fat cat.

But late one night
after surfing a cloud,
that witch began sneezing
and wheezing out loud!

She went to the doctor
and was promptly told,
“My dear, what you have
is a bad witch’s cold.
If your going to fly
and do tricks with your cat,
you must keep warm–
you must wear a hat.”

“A hat?” cried the witch,
“Never, no way.
I’ve never needed a hat
when I’ve gone out to play!
I’ve done twirlies, wrote letters
flown fast with my cat!
I’ve never, ever, needed a hat!”

“Well,” said the doctor
huffing up where he sat,
“A hat you do need,
and that is that!”

So the witch went home
and moaned in her bed,
“How can I ever
put a hat on my head?”

Then one day while resting
with her cat in the sun,
she got an idea
and that idea was fun!

I will wear a hat!”
she declared all around.

“My hat will be the greatest hat in town!
It’ll sparkle and speckle
be purple and green,
be shiny and slimy-
maybe even look mean!

“I’m a witch after all!
A witch with a cat!
I fly on a broom,
I must wear a hat!”

So the witch and the cat
looked online and in stores,
they went to the mall
and searched all the floors.

“No! No!” roared the witch
looking at hat after hat.
“Too simple, too tiny,
too ugly!” she spat.
“My hat must be great,
the best hat in town!
The shiniest and slimiest
and greenest around!”

And just as that witch
and that cat gave up hope,
they spied something sparkly, and speckly
–no joke.

And as they got close
they couldn’t believe,
it was shiny and slimy
and purple and green!

“My hat!” cried the witch
as she snatched it right up,
she placed it on her head
and spoke, chin up,

“I am a witch!”
With the grandest of hats!
I ride on a broom!
With a big, fat old cat!”

“My hat is the greatest hat of all!
It sparkles, it speckles,
it stands above all!”

“It’s shiny and slimy,
and purple and green,
when I wear this hat,
I look terribly mean!”

So the witch and the cat
and their brand new hat,
flew off on their broom
to Sanscatchitat.
They did twirlies,
wrote letters,
with that hat on her head,
and she never took it off
not even in bed.

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