Desires and Hopes

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One of the biggest challenges I face presently is balancing the needs of each of my children, alongside my husband, my job, my blog and my sanity.  I feel a bit fearful when I think about it, as I feel depleted by my job, leaving little energy left over.  But I am highly committed to both my boys and need to give them all I got.  My older ADHD+NVLD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder+Non-Verbal Learning disorder) son needs me as both advocate and guide, as he navigates what are sometimes challenging social situations (this has improved incredibly).  He needs me to be patient and compassionate as he struggles to control his body and language (again, so much improvement).  My younger son also needs me as advocate and guide, as he is a child who learns differently at school.  He needs me to be patient and compassionate as he manages having intense anger at the age of 8 years.

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There are a lot of appointments going around.  But this is how it is.

I want to stay grounded and give to myself as much as I can.  I’m going to take more days to myself this year.  I’m going to do things like go to Hot Springs Places or go for a hike with my husband while we both play hookie.  I’m going to take the time to sit in stillness, to let the Goddess/Spirit flow through my veins.  I’m also letting my addictions rage a bit, recognizing that they’re a bit helpful right now, and I don’t have the energy to make a change anyway.  I’m going to make this next year of job creation active and alive.  This might involve some ass kicking, as I can let myself take forever to get crap done!  I promise to myself to keep at least one foot moving swiftly.

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I have just started seeing a therapist and it feels really good.  How all the myriad of weekly mom/kid appointments will affect me will soon be known.  Next week my older son starts school and my younger son begins play therapy, an official start to the fast pace that will be my life for the next several months.  Wish me well.

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Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

4 thoughts on “Desires and Hopes

  1. Dear One,
    I empathize with your plight! While I had just one son, I raised him alone and he also was ADHD and dyslexic. I had to fight for him every year he was in school and sometimes when he was a teen he didn’t make it easy for me. But now, I have a 35 year old son who is my rock! He is a stable, moral, loving husband and father! The best thing he ever said to me was when he was 22, and had just been through a psychological evaluation with the probation board. He had found out that his IQ was so high ( which I knew!) that he would not be eligible for counseling because he likely would be smarter than any of the counselors! He came straight to my house, and told me about it. Then he said these words “I am glad you raised me alone mom, if dad had been here, I would be a different person, and I like who I am right now, and it’s because of how you raised me”. I am telling you, those words are worth more to me than all the gold in the world! Your trials now WILL pay off in a great future for your sons!

    Do you know how to do centering exercises? How to draw energy from the earth and the heavens at the same time? How it brings the white light into your body, mixing with the green/brown light from the earth, to mix into a bright gold light in your heart and then flooding your body with that light? Do you know how to do this? This will help you immensely, it will make you feel like you have had a 20 minute nap in just 5 minutes once you get the hang of it. I learned this from a Wiccan woman, and it is one of the most powerful things I have learned to do for myself. If you don’t know how to do this ( I bet you do) I would be happy to walk you through it. Message me back if you want to, and I will give you my phone number. I will do this for the joy of helping you and for no other reason or return. My email is

    Again, awesome pictures of your flowers! Would you mind if I used some of them now and then on my blog? I am always looking for great pictures to add to my articles.

    Blessed be, bright spirit,
    Susan Hudson

    • Hi Susan, sorry its take n me so long to get back to you. It is very meaningful to know that you hear an echo of your story in mine. It is these moments that I find most full filling as a writer, when I make a connection via story. It is also meaningful to me spiritually. I am a practicing Priestess and feel most at service through writing about my story, hoping that others will find it healing. And of course this energy travels two-fold; as others heal I heal. I have done the meditation you describe but not for some time. I am going to do it now:)
      Much peace,

      • Good to hear from you April! yes please resume doing that meditation , it is very powerful. Would you be surprised to learn that I am Christian? I have had many Wiccan friends and they have taught me a lot about the connectedness of all creation, and I pass this one when I speak at church. I am surprised by how many people find my words encouraging or some kind of blessing to them. I hope you find the renewal of energy when you do the meditation, I believe you will. And I am here for you as a friend who understands motherhood! contact me anytime you want, my email is Peace by yours, Susan

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