September Flower Bowl

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Slipping in right at the end of September with my flower bowl.  After writing weekly all summer, I find myself with low creative energy.  I feel good in so many ways; I’m contented, notice beauty around me, feel soooo ready to let go of old patterns of living.  Yet my addictions rage on, clearly prepared to put up a fight.  I know I have to be patient through change; its highs and lows, agonies and ecstasies.  I am about to sit in ceremony with the Queen of Death, whose job it is to guide me down, down, down to the underworld of my own shadow.  It is through sitting in shadow that I know I will find ecstasy, for to sit with shadow is to show compassion towards the darkest parts of self.  There is a deep part of me that dreads this process.  Another part is expanding and making space for light.

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

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4 thoughts on “September Flower Bowl

  1. It is really difficult for me to imagine that one would choose to descend into one’s own shadow world. I have lived through so many Dark Nights, and I know that going through the Dark Nights leads to better things, but i would never consciously choose to go through another one. After years of deep mental distress, then years of learning how to heal my mind and soul, I don’t think I want to know any more about any darkness that may remain in me. So, could you explain to me a little more about what you are about to experience and what you expect to gain? How long will it take? Have you done this before and if so was it painful?

  2. For me the shadow are those aspects of ourselves that hold us back, keep us in negative patterns, in stagnancy, in lack of growth. I deal with addiction issues, feeling abandoned, feeling alone, irresponsible, dishonest. These are some of my shadows I sense hovering nearby (there are others too!). When shadow runs your life, life can really suck. It can feel oppressive and hopeless. But if I can have compassion for my shadow, hold those parts of myself that feel less than whole, than perhaps I can heal, grow, move with love. “I love my shadow as I love myself,” is a new phrase I have learned in my priestess practice.

    I am also beginning to understand that sometimes shadow involves existing in a hell realm. Something that seems unbearable to endure. I have been there, and so have you I gather. Sometimes being in a hell realm has nothing to do with shadow. But inevitably, being in a hell realm, shadow rears its ugly head anyway. Such as feeling like a failure, abandoned, depressed, etc. This is what I mean by shadow. What does it mean to you?

    • Very good explanation! This seems to me like you are describing what others might call baggage, or energy blocks. Inherited patterns, or damaged parts of ourselves. Sometimes you have to “re-parent” yourself, by looking at the damage, accepting it, loving it, encouraging it to let go. I have been told that the purpose of the Dark Night is to let these issues surface and deal with them so they will be released. It feels like hell, and if you are not aware of what is going on, it never makes any sense. But if you do know that you are in the Dark Night, or in the Shadow, then you know to look for what crops up, work through it, release it or accept it, rinse repeat, until you come out to the Light again. Better than that, I like to think that the Dark Night or Shadow is not without Light, because Light is healing, and that is what is going on in this apparent darkness. I believe I am near the end of this present Dark Night or Shadow, I think I entered it because I lost my purpose in life. Or rather what I had assumed was my purpose. I had to learn to let it go, and realize that there are many purposes for my life already. I also needed to find a replacement for the one that ended. For me, it appears that this replacement is writing. I had to let go of the fact that I am no longer able to work in the corporate world. I had the same job for 22 years and I was so good at it! I loved it! Then I was laid off, and I could not get hired, and became depressed and some physical problems cropped up and now I am too disabled to work outside the home. I didn’t realize that my job was such a big part of who I thought I was. In the darkest part of this, I was unable to function at all. As help arrived, I have started to wake up, and face my issues. Fear, I am learning not to fear for my life, my ability to sustain myself. Anger, I am learning to let go of the bitterness about losing my job and not being able to be hired again. Loneliness, I am learning how many friends I have, and how much my family loves me, how much I am needed, and that this is the real purpose of my life, to be the Crone, a phase of my life that I have earned. Now, I have learned that writing is something that also fulfills me, and replaces the part of me that was left void when I lost my job. I am not out of the dark yet, it may be a few more months. But now I understand it. This is what Shadow means to me. I like that word better than the Dark Night. The only difference I see is that I did not intend to enter my Shadow, and you do. You must possess a very good insight into yourself and your needs, to realize that you need to face some things, and that you have to go into your shadow to reach those things and work them out. You are a very brave woman, I admire you so much! Let me be here for you, if your shadow is overwhelming at times, reach out to me and I will hold your hand while you talk. I will encircle you with some Light to give you the strength you may need if you are just so tired. Blessed be, Sister.

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