That transition period, going from addict to walking the path of freedom, is not easy. I have done it before so I know I can do it again, but presently I am finding it dreadfully difficult. Last time I faced addiction eye to eye was spring, but with the energy of growth and new life, I found turning my back on that which holds me back, easy. Now, with the arrival of fall and winter to follow, that which needs to die wants to die. It wants to follow the pull of the Earth as it begins its life cycle of hibernation, dormancy, and death in the Northern Hemisphere. Yet I struggle much more than last spring. Perhaps with so much centripetal energy (energy going inward), I find it difficult to let go of that which I have huddled close to for so long. And there is no way to avoid it; parts of that transition period are going to SUCK, as physically, emotionally and spiritually I will be adjusting, and know this will not feel good. My inner knowing sees all the beauty that awaits me and I know I am strong. But also clearly wavering. My devil/angel are having an argument about who is to blame: Me (devil); No one, this is my path (angel). I mostly hang out with angel these days, but I see devil often through the window. And he looks so needy he is hard to resist sometimes.
Diana Ray/April Aronoff
Photography By Diana Ray