Thoughts on Healing

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That transition period, going from addict to walking the path of freedom, is not easy.  I have done it before so I know I can do it again, but presently I am finding it dreadfully difficult.  Last time I faced addiction eye to eye was spring, but with the energy of growth and new life, I found turning my back on that which holds me back, easy.  Now, with the arrival of fall and winter to follow, that which needs to die wants to die.  It wants to follow the pull of the Earth as it begins its life cycle of hibernation, dormancy, and death in the Northern Hemisphere.  Yet I struggle much more than last spring.  Perhaps with so much centripetal energy (energy going inward), I find it difficult to let go of that which I have huddled close to for so long.  And there is no way to avoid it; parts of that transition period are going to SUCK, as physically, emotionally and spiritually I will be adjusting, and know this will not feel good.  My inner knowing sees all the beauty that awaits me and I know I am strong.  But also clearly wavering.  My devil/angel are having an argument about who is to blame:  Me (devil); No one, this is my path (angel).  I mostly hang out with angel these days, but I see devil often through the window.  And he looks so needy he is hard to resist sometimes.

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

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4 thoughts on “Thoughts on Healing

  1. April, I love Diana’s photos, please pass that on to her for me!

    I don’t know the nature of your addition. I have never been an addict of illegal drugs, but I am addicted to my pain killers, which I am unable to do with out right now because of the immense amount of physical pain I am in. I am taking steps to reduce that pain, and then the doctor will wean me off the pain killers or at least get me down to a less dangerous dosage. My real addiction is food. Which is directly related to my pain, but not the cause of it. Your articles have gotten me to thinking about what other addictions I might have that have gone unrecognized. I like pretty things, and if I have a dime to my name and my bills are paid, I will spend what I have for a piece of jewelry or a new top. Lately I am addicted to buying toys for my grand daughter, even if it is just a 2.00 item from the grocery store. I doesn’t take much to please her right now, but the feeling, or high, I get when she is surprised and says thank you and asks for help to open the packaging is priceless.

    I mentioned to you once that I have been though several Dark Nights, and working on coming out of this one now. I don’t know if I can handle another one, to deal with these “addictions”. Maybe I should spend my energy on learning to love myself more, and insisting that others stop behaving abusively to me. Please, keep sharing your journey, it is giving me food for thought, and I hope that knowing this helps you have the courage to continue on your path with shadow. You aren’t alone, I am following you vicariously. Susan.

    • Hi Susan,
      Spending your energy on loving yourself and standing firm in that you expect to be treated with respect is exactly what you should do. That was your intuition speaking…

      Right now I am 6 days into a 30+day journey of self-love. Addictions or no, I am feeling it 🙂

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