August 2015 Flower Bowl/Let Your Humanity Sing

FullSizeRender

I am finally learning at age 45, to accept life in all its forms.  I struggle with anger and anxiety, but can hold myself in these spaces with grace.  I can be present with my friends and family without feeling like I need to flee.  I can breathe through the moments of grief and pain like I would comfort a small child who wants only to be held.  I can acknowledge myself with all my flaws, beauty and complexity, and honor the individual that I am.

All of this I accomplished in small, slow, baby steps.

FullSizeRender (1)

I have come to understand the inherent wisdom that is gained through walking and surviving the dark sides of life.  Without darkness, there is no light, without pain there is no love.  We all long for peace, love and serenity, but until we’ve danced and held our own shadow, the avoidance of these experiences will forever be a road block to cultivating inner light.

FullSizeRender (2)

Walking on the earth, hugging a tree, sitting in my garden with the plants I care for, smelling essential oils that life my spirit, these are all the ways I sooth my soul.  Reaching out to others for love and support, a milestone that has been daunting, is also essential to my soothing.  For without this, I am just a lonely person surrounding by a planet full of people.

FullSizeRender (3)

We are meant to be kind and compassionate to the parts of ourselves we do not like.  We are meant to live in love, together as one community.  I’m not sure which comes first, community or self-love, but it really doesn’t matter.  Start with one and then move on to the other.  Learn to love and adore who you are.  Learn to share your shining light with those around you.  Take a baby step each day towards your own self-acceptance.  And in doing so, feel your heart with all its pain and beauty.

Let your humanity sing.

IMG_2949

April Aronoff

Photography by April Aronoff

Shakti Of The Flame

IMG_3423

Oh Shakti, Shakti of the Flame,

I blow on your heated presence,

become entranced as you grow.

Help me to stoke your embered breath,

feel your moistened hands on my skin,

so I may stand in the middle,

the center of your lotus flames

and just melt.

IMG_3425

IMG_3426

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

Elixer for Grief, Elixer for Love

IMG_3292

This morning was rough.  After spending time yesterday with a very ill friend, I found myself last eve surrounded by grief.  This grief wove its way around my heart and into my sleep, where I slept fitfully and without rest.  I awoke feeling stressed and teary.

IMG_2949

I took a walk in the woods and let nature do its magic.  The heaviness of the trees, rocks and plants held me in a cocoon of love and connection with spirit, its moist presence reminding me of the Starfish who appeared in a recent shamanic journey.  The Starfish is an emblem of moving through life with a heightened sense of touch, as they do not see or hear, but merely feel their way through the world.  This is my medicine, my gift for both myself and others.  Through feeling, whether it be pain or joy, healing and transformation can alchemize.

IMG_3273

As I took my walk I thought about the ways I am expanding and changing my beloved garden.  I have planted many Roses, with the intention of making my own Rose Essential Oil.  More plantings of Roses are to come.  As I walked, full of grief for my friend and joy for my own ways of stepping into my role as Priestess and Shaman, I realized that Roses are not enough.  I must do more, cultivate more, for the purposes of healing and bringing joy.  Both Jasmine (I have 4) and Lavender (I have 3) will join be joining Rose, in the future of my garden as a generator of sight, smell, healing and touch.

IMG_3300

I am excited to share my journey with you as a Scent Priestess who both grows and creates her own oil to use on the Beloveds that cross my path.  I become charged and impassioned just thinking about it!  What began as a walk with grief ended with fervor for the flowers and oils that will be entrusted to my care.  I am truly a witness to my own evolution. 

Blessings 🙂

IMG_3281

April Aronoff

Photography by April Aronoff  

April Flower Bowl/What We Pass On

photo (57)

In recent months I have been reflecting on what I will pass to my children when I am gone.  Having come from a long line of pain and dysfunction passed down through the generations, I take these reflections seriously, knowing that if change is going to happen, it must begin with me.  I am a deeply spiritual person, and openly worship the Goddess in my household.  I am a Priestess, on the path of the Shaman, and an Earth Keeper.  I have an enormous garden that I am deeply devoted too.  I consider myself in service to others, and find I have much to offer when one is willing to receive.  I openly express love and affection among my family members and community.

Last week-end I attended a day long ceremony in honor of the Priestess, The Lady of the Lake.  We spent the day anointing ourselves with holy essential oils, working alone or in pairs.  It was a delicious, divine experience that Ieft me overflowing with watery love.

There was a range of ages at this gathering, from 20’s to 70’s.  So many women on paths that were both different and familiar, the commonality of serving the Goddess making us instant Sisters, able to sit in deep comfort with one another, despite many of us having met just that day.

During lunch I sat outside with a group of women, some my age, some quiet older.  During conversation I learned that two of the women were mother and daughter, having attended other ceremonies and workshops together.  I was instantly touched to the core of my heart, which began to fill with a mixture of adoration, awe and grief.  The adoration came from a willingness to take in what these two women shared, a deep bond that went beyond simply enjoying each other’s company, to that of sharing in what was considered sacred to both of them.  The awe and grief were different reflections of the same mirror; awe that such relationships exist between parent and child, and grief that such connection does not exist between me and my own parents.

At the end of the ceremony the daughter got up, and said she had a gift to give, not knowing until that moment whom it was meant for.  The gift was a beautiful staff, crowned with the head of Horus, a sun/sky God who was worshipped in ancient Egypt.  The Head of Horus is that of a falcon, whose totem meanings are associated with soul healing, opportunity, change, focus, freedom, and rising above a situation with the understanding that it is you that has the ability to create change with grace.

The staff is also the tool of the Wise Woman.  The Wise Woman is the Crone with wisdom, one who touches the Earth and the divine simultaneously, one who can see larger patterns within life.  She is the union of the intuitive, rational and instinctive.  She also has a wicked cheeky sense of humor.

The daughter anointed Horus with Holy oil as she spoke, and then presented this glorious tool to the person she knew only moments before whom it was meant for.

Her mother.

Her mother did not know what to say.  She was overwhelmed, as we all were, by the deep love that went into this exchange.

Later I spoke with the mother about what she did with her children when they were small, yearning so deeply to learn as a mother of two boys myself.  “I took my children out into nature,” she told me, “We looked for the Hidden People in the hollowed out trees and in the tall grass.  I wanted to turn their realities upside down, to teach them to see more than what was in front of them.”

What a gift.

She also told me that as a young mother with a family, she and all her extended family were traditionally Christian.  Looking for the Hidden People was not part of that agenda, but she knew to do it anyway.  “I can’t talk to any of them about this,” she told me, her voice tinged with a bit of longing.  “You can talk to her,” I said smiling and gesturing to her daughter.

Again, what a gift.

So I take from this the deep commitment that I will live my life with love.  That I will attempt to the best of my ability, to show my children how to live authentically, with courage instead of fear, with love instead of anger.  Much of this means being willing to honor that which brings me joy, creativity and connection, outside of my role as mother.  To be willing to hold the wounds within myself and my ancestral line with compassion, instead of rage.  I want my children to learn that through the exploration of self, of knowing what moves them and gives them meaning, that much of life magically falls into alignment.

This I hope, they will cherish.

photo (79)

April Aronoff/Diana Ray

Photography by Diana Ray

Blessings of Compassion

photo (74)

Mother (Earth)-

Show me your grace,

ease,

like thick liquid

pouring through every

space and crevice

of my anatomy,

scouring away

resentment,

anger,

fixity,

polishing what is light

and bright

and love

within me,

like a river whose flow

is so cold, and clean,

one drop anoints thee,

so what starts as desire

is embodied, embedded,

within this body,

as deep and familiar

as cells dividing,

memories unfolding,

dreams remembered,

of a life as She.

IMG_2924

April Aronoff/Diana Ray

Photography By Diana Ray

 

Mother Of The Flame

photo 2 (11)

Oh Violet Mother, Mother of the flame,

I blow air on your heated presence,

become entranced as you grow.

Help me to stoke your embered breath,

feel your moistened hands on my skin,

so I may stand in the middle,

the center of your lotus flames,

and just melt.

photo (5)

photo (66)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

February 2015 Flower Bowl /There Is A Burning Need

IMG_2872

(Hyacinth, valerian, nasturtium viola, nemesia, osteospermum, hellebore, jasmine, spanish lavender, geranium, pansy, rosemary)

There is a burning need

to get recognized,

seen in a way

that bares my soul

down to its

naked, dripping

essence.

There is a burning need

to merge soul to soul,

to exchange what

ignites my light

and fills me with love.

This is what it’s like

when I write,

share my story,

and in return

connect with you.

The exchange

is so ecstatic,

I hope to never

give it up.

IMG_2886

IMG_2877

April Aronoff/Diana Ray

A Story To Tell Part 2

Running In Water

2/2/2015   Two years later, I am finally ready to go down the hole.

photo 4 (2)

2/15/2013     LastSunday I attended the most yummy yoga workshop; a combination of yoga and guided meditation, with the intention of helping us meet our power animals.  Power animals cross many traditions and cultures.  They can be anything from the animal or insect world, a creature that makes itself known to a person, typically for the reason to guide.  Their message it always the same:  “I have a gift for you, a message, a way of thinking and feeling about the world that you must see! ” It’s been three years since I’ve come to know the hummingbird and the whale.  The hummingbird reminds me to find beauty and joy in a life that has always been full of pain.  The whale is the recorder of time, stories, and one’s lineage.  A few years back I collected…

View original post 787 more words

A Day At The Beach

 

I wrote this poem 4 years ago, during a very difficult time.

IMG_2667

Today felt okay.

Sitting at the beach reading a book,

(a book about someone else’s problems for a change)

on this balmy, warm January day,

the anti-thesis of winter,

while my curly haired 4-year old

built sand castles and nests in the rocks.

He would build them up

then smash them down,

the same utter joy

replayed over and over again,

creation-destruction,

it just doesn’t matter

to the mind of a 4-year-old,

and I actually felt okay.

 

The water was still and glassy,

the sand covered in soft, spongy sea-weed,

the product of having been baked for days

in this unusual January sun,

and I read my book

and gazed out at the bay,

and took in the scenes

of other family life

out enjoying this incredible day,

and acknowledged that today was okay.

 

I don’t know what tomorrow brings,

or even what will happen later,

when my husband and difficult 6-year-old

return from their trip,

cranky and tired from their long drive

along these dusty California roads.

The sun will have set by then

and the day almost over,

but for now, I am okay.

 

Just a little bit of joy

having seeped into my center,

after weeks and weeks

of feeling nothing but gloom.

Maybe it will be gone tomorrow

maybe I’ll have to begin again,

a life of one day at a time,

a kind of mentality

designed to help me survive.

 

But maybe it will still be there

and the day after that.

Having taken root in my body,

slowly occupying more space

than anything else,

so that what’s missing in my life

doesn’t throw me into gloom and sadness,

but can instead be just like

my son’s sandcastles,

something I create and destroy

as I see fit.

photo (60)

IMG_1464

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

 Photography by Diana Ray

 

 

 

 

Full Moon, 2015

IMG_1492     I am energized from last night’s full moon ceremony, the first full moon of 2015.  I have been running strong energy all day, grounded, from the Earth.  On a walk today I told myself, “Look up to the sky when you’re feeling small, you only need to look up!” {Thank-you Sister Gia!}  And as I walked around the beautiful open space/dog park with my pooches, I felt that expansive energy flowing ecstatically through my body.  My intention of 2015, of experiencing deep fulfillment in my life, is further clarified by knowing this means to go deep in all areas of my life; my husband, my children, work, friendships/community, my body, and of course, my spirituality.  I remember the deep purpose I felt when manifesting with the moon, vowing to love myself, to be the vessel that connects spirit to Earth.  I feel the beginning of a deep connection with spirit and with my soul I have yet to experience.

And I am thank-full that am part of a community that is intertwined in this process.  It was during last eve’s ceremony, that many embers became ignited.

I ventured down, down, deep into the canyon last night, down to the sounds of the rushing river, lit only by the light of our flash lights and the brilliance of the first Full Moon of 2015.

Down by the river I lay on the spongy, leaf covered Earth, comforted by many layers of clothes and the incredible nourishing agent we call Mother Gaia.

I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the creek, rushing in parts, still in others, the flow of water easily pushing the violet flame deeper inside me.

I bathed in the beautiful Full Moon Light, sitting like the child I am in half-lotus position, Letting Her Light Bathe Me to the Bone of My Very Existence.

After this the 6 us went back to the yurt and bundled up under blankets, whispering our intentions quietly to one another, drawing beautiful pictures of what we heard, pictures of our hopes, our light, our strength.

At the end of the night we were all anointed and blessed by each other; such tender care traveling from one soul to another, through touch, through word, through smell.

May we all be blessed to have such community 🙂

photo 5 (2)

photo 2 (24)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

 

 

 

 

The Goddess Lives Within You/Finding Shakti

photo 1 (10)

Thanks to all who inquired about Shakti, as it moved me to spend several hours reading, feeling, and writing.  Here is what I have learned about Shatki: 

(Most of this list has been obtained from the 13 Moon Oracle, by Ariel Spilsbury)

Other Goddess Names: Pele, Magdalene, Lilith, Ariadne, Creten Snake Priestesses, Priestesses of Dionysus, Bachi, Dakinis, Medusa, Kali (destruction/creation form), Devi, Durga,

Words associated with Shakti:  passionate, powerful, free, raw, potent, untamed, wild, vital, radiant.  I Fuel/I Consume.

Frequency Color:  orange

Element:  Fire

Sacred Tools:  Lighting, drum, rattle.  To ignite, reveal, burn away, catalyze, awaken.

Animal Totems:  Snake, wolf, big cats, jaguar

Scents:  musk, ylang-ylang

Crystals:  fire opal, carnelian, orange citrine

Phase of the Moon:  16th day, after dark of the moon

Sacred Geometry:  Five descending triangles within a circle

Question:  What calls to be purified, that the body can be truly honored and glorified as a temple?

Meditation/Mantra: (Hindu Chant) Kundalini Mata Shakti, Namo, Nam;  (Divine Ecstasy, to evoke the frequency for the color orange):  Exstasis  Divinitus, Shakti, Shakti, Shakti

photo 3 (6)

(Much of this is paraphrased, from the various sources listed below)

Shakti is the Great Divine Mother in Hinduism.  She is Divine Feminine Creative Power/The Source of all Universal Energy

Shakti is power, force, feminine energy.  She represents the fundamental creative instinct underlying the cosmos, and is the energizing force of all divinity, in every living thing.

Shakti is about reclaiming and rekindling aliveness, passion, creativity, an instinctual nature

Shakti energy is free, full of expression.

Shakti asks you, “What brings out your fierceness to create?  What do you need to open so you can access the body wisdom that is known as You?”

Shakti invites you to look at your motivations.  You are free to be authentically alive.  To absolutely refuse to see yourself as defective, inadequate, worthy of feeling blame, shame. Give up any self-deprecation. You are a perfect vessel for Her Divine Fire.

Shakti is the Tantric title for the Great Goddess.

Worship of Shakti is a part of Tantra/Sexual Awakening.

Shakti is an invitation to access Her passionate desire for your wholeness, by entertaining ecstasy in the body.

Shakti is loving the body, it sensations, rhythms, ecstatic currents and tides.  All acts of love and pleasure are Her rituals.

Shakti asks, “What unique creative tool brings you into the frequency of ecstasy?  Find out and enjoy.”

Shakti consumes that which stands in the way of direct contact with your authentic Essence.

Shakti is fire, the Sacred Initiatirix, the Kundalini force.  She is heat, sensuously rising and filling you now.   Filling every cell of your being with light, colors and sounds.  Purifing the toxins of any shame or self-hatred.  Lovingly consuming anything that is less than love, which you now know, is the only true reality.

photo 4 (4)

April Aronoff/Diana Ray

Photography By Diana Ray

http://www.themystica.com/mystica/articles/s/shakti.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakti

http://www.sanatansociety.org/hindu_gods_and_goddesses/shakti.htm#.VJxmNsA0

http://www.13moonmysteryschool.org

December 2014 Flower Bowl//Finding Shakti

Featured

photo 1 (19)

Finding Shakti

Shakti is vital

Shakti is sexual, sovereign and on fire

Shakti is She who declares, *“I Fuel/Consume”

Shakti is “Yes!” to Passion, Creation, and Ecstasis

Shakti consumes anything that is less than pure life force

She is Shakti

Shakti, I yearn for You.

photo 3 (15)

  In search of Shakti, I find myself in the arms of compassion, rubbing lavender essential oil deeply into my heart and throat chakras.  Spiritually lavender opens one to nurterance and care toward all life beings, the self-included.  I hold myself now in compassion for the way I have been short tempered and outright angry towards my husband and children; I hold myself in compassion for indulging in my addictions, despite that I am on vacation and having a damn good time; I hold myself in compassion, because in doing so, I let the light in further, release old stories and pains with more ease, free up that which has been holding parts of my soul in tight constriction.  And in doing so, I find Shakti.

photo 4 (5)Happy Solstice New Year!

Peace,

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography by Diana Ray

*From 13 Moon Mystery School

Union

photo 2 (3)

These are my feet

now I must walk,

These are my hands

now I must create,

These are my eyes

now I must see,

this is my heart

now I must feel,

these are my wings

now I must fly.

Walk

Create

Feel

See

Fly.

photo (70)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

This Is The Tree

photo 1 (13)

This is the tree that helps me touch down when I feel I cannot stand.

This is the tree that helps me reach out when I know I am not alone.

This is the tree whose leaves and bark have ignited creative fire.

This is the tree that helps me remember that I too, come from the Earth.

This is the tree that told me in embrace that in fact we are the same;

solid

capable of anything

full of love.

Yes, this is the tree.

photo 2 (13)

photo 3 (10)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

November 2014 Flower Bowl/Seeding

photo 5 (2)

(rose, fushcia, heliotrope, valerian, rosemary, oak hydrangea leaves, pansy)

What I wish the most,

is to create enough space

within me,

for the fire and light

to grow.

May my wish come true:)

photo 4 (5)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

Oct. 2014 Flower Bowl/Manifesting With The Moon

photo 1 (11)

(dahlias, heliotrope, snap dragons, lavender, african basil, alstroemeria, penstemon)

I began this process one week ago, in the dark of the moon.*  As I sat in meditation the intention became clear almost immediately:  To love myself wholly and unconditionally throughout this next moon cycle from dark moon to dark moon.  In addition to the energies of the moon, the Goddess in her many different forms will evolve as the moon evolves, with different archetypes shifting with each changing phase of the moon.

Since then I have moved from the dark moon, to the new moon, to a waning crescent moon.  The Dark Moon corresponds to the Great Mother (i.e., Demeter, Gaia, Pachamama, Mary Magdalene).   Her message:   “I surrender, I receive.”  One opens to the query of an intention that wishes to be heard.  The New Moon corresponds to the Goddess of Compassion (i.e., Kuan Yin, Mother Mary, Tara).  Her message:  “I recognize I seed.” Taking that intention and planting it firmly in the earth and in your soul being.  The Waxing Crescent Moon began today, corresponding to the Priestess (i.e., Lady of the Lake, Selene, Vesta).   Her message: “I amplify in stillness.”  To sit in inward silence, imagining that intention fully blossomed and realized.

And here is where I am hitting a bump.

The first 6 days of this journey were wonderful.  The minute I tried to say anything self berating I stopped and said, “No!” nipping it in the bud.  Then I fueled myself with golden showers of self-empowering words, phrases, affirmations and prayers, calling in every spirit teacher, power animal, or goddess who could witness/support me.

It has been unlike anything I have ever known.  My heart is so full!  So much beauty around me:)

Now I feel the criticisms and inadequacies creeping in.  Some of this is around my issues with addiction, which I have decided to take a rest from confronting.  Some of it is other messy stuff.  My intention is to love myself no matter what…to know that I am whole, complete, exactly as I am, my flaws, my wisdom, my beauty, my big, hot, messy self.  All of it, whole.

It is this that I take in.  It is this that I amplify in stillness.

photo 3 (8)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By: Diana Ray

*Manifesting with the moon is a practice created by the 13 Moon Mystery School.  See http://www13moonmysteryschool.org for more information.

More Thoughts on Healing

photo 4 (1)

Tonight I cooked shredded zucchini for dinner.  I browned the zucchini in piping hot olive oil and seasoned it with delectable herbs.  Soon a heavenly aroma filled the air.  Over high heat the shredded zucchini, quite juicy when cooked, gave off a warm steam.  That, in combination with the enticing aroma, prompted me to lean into this warm steam, eyes closed, and inhale.  The lusciousness of the sautéed zucchini had me:  I was going to bask in this incredible aroma for all its’ got.  To let my senses roam free as smell and taste and tactile (the steam felt amazing!) took me to an altered state of consciousness.  Then I came out of it.  It was delicious.

Last night I experienced my first sweat lodge.  The aromatic steam created from fresh water poured over hot rocks was incredibly healing.  Mixed with Bear Root, an awakening. Somewhere in there lies tonights’ dinner.  Aho.

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography by Diana Ray

photo (9)

photo (56)

Hello Sisters

photo (29)

This is a facebook post I gave to my Priestess group.  Big stuff came up.  It inspired me to want to make it a blog post.

Hello Sisters,
I am reaching out because at our 1/2 moon last Monday I hid out. I am continuing to dance with addiction issues, and was afraid to speak; for fear of being weak, a bother, yet again bringing up something that is a struggle. I let shadow take over my right to belong, and for that night it got its way. As for what I want to say, it is this: I truly wish to lay my addiction issues, fears of the unknown, fears of change, to rest. To surrender to the Queen of Death and finally prune what is dying in my soul. There is a small part of me that can feel what it would be like if I did let go, and I can sense it huge and wonderful and expansive.

Some of you have seen my large garden. I have just begun to cut things back, to feel the pull to go inward, like every plant will in coming months in my yard.  I love my new word, “fallow” {thank-you sister for clarifying!) Fallow, that is me.

photo 1 (1)

Take care and blessings with the full moon in Aries. I have recently joined a women’s new/full moon group and will be sitting in ceremony tonight. I know we will go into the woods in the dark, and walk down a long and winding path to get to a clearing in the Canyon. As I walk I will imagine going down to meet the Queen of Death.

Much peace, April

photo 1 (3)

My Favorite Piece :)

photo (6)

This is the part I love most from my last poem, Faith (revised-visit 

http://runninginwater.com/2014/09/30/faith/).

I.

If we keep making the same mistakes

over and over,

never giving up,

never quitting,

despite the addiction

the complacency

the shadow;

if we know

despite our complacency,

our willingness to fumble

again and again,

that we are actually WHOLE

despite our lack of wholeness,

will we not eventually find the way?

photo 2 (8)Diana Ray/April Aronoff

photography by Diana Ray

September Flower Bowl

photo 2 (6)

Slipping in right at the end of September with my flower bowl.  After writing weekly all summer, I find myself with low creative energy.  I feel good in so many ways; I’m contented, notice beauty around me, feel soooo ready to let go of old patterns of living.  Yet my addictions rage on, clearly prepared to put up a fight.  I know I have to be patient through change; its highs and lows, agonies and ecstasies.  I am about to sit in ceremony with the Queen of Death, whose job it is to guide me down, down, down to the underworld of my own shadow.  It is through sitting in shadow that I know I will find ecstasy, for to sit with shadow is to show compassion towards the darkest parts of self.  There is a deep part of me that dreads this process.  Another part is expanding and making space for light.

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

photo 3 (5)

Part of Me

photo 1 (5)

I feel so much potent energy brewing beneath the surface.  Like the rushing sound of my two garden fountain’s, Cerridwen’s Cauldren hard at work.  Part of it feels epic and life changing, the full knowledge that I have the capacity to plug into my own beautiful, crystalline, grid network.  The rest of me is terrified, feeling completely the challenge that lies between here and there.  Part of me wants to up the ante, to expect more from myself.  This is in stark contrast to the present me who accepts any and every kind of vice.  I give myself over to the Goddess, at my worst and at my best.  I always shoot for the best, even when I’m at my worst.

photo (5)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

Dream Awake

photo 3 (4)

This is the picture of my dream-awake catcher.  Initially it was my house catcher, as I had used it to catch a new house we bought a little over a year ago.  Now I am using it to catch new work and/or bring creative ideas into fruition.  I have re-named it my dream-awake catcher, and plan to use it as often as I need throughout my life.

I made the dream-awake catcher from branches from a large shrub I took out of the front yard of our old house.  This was a few years ago.  As I was cutting the branches off the shrub I felt and heard a strong message that I must keep the branches.  So I did.  Some of the branches went to make this Gods-Eye that represents my ability to have second sight.  Later, the branches made the house catcher.  Now they are to catch new livelihood.

photo 1 (4)

I wrote down my desires for change, as specific as I could be.  Then I buried this paper in the Earth beneath the catcher, which lives in my meditation garden.

I gave the ritual to the Dreamer-Weaver Goddess, also known as Grandmother Spider in Native American culture.  What I wish to weave is the story of my own contentment and happiness, through creating new livelihood.  I also wish to weave my writing further into the world (more to come on that one).

photo 2 (4)

I find the Earth so incredibly powerful, its sheer benevolent energy so wanting to help someone who wishes to connect.  No matter how much I vacillate between tapping in more fully and running away, I am always present with this energy, always plugged in.  Even in the hour of greatest challenge it is continuing to shape and mold my outcome towards what is brightest.  This is what keeps me grounded in knowing that even if I fall, someone will be there to catch me.

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography by Diana Ray

Desires and Hopes

photo 3 (10)

One of the biggest challenges I face presently is balancing the needs of each of my children, alongside my husband, my job, my blog and my sanity.  I feel a bit fearful when I think about it, as I feel depleted by my job, leaving little energy left over.  But I am highly committed to both my boys and need to give them all I got.  My older ADHD+NVLD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder+Non-Verbal Learning disorder) son needs me as both advocate and guide, as he navigates what are sometimes challenging social situations (this has improved incredibly).  He needs me to be patient and compassionate as he struggles to control his body and language (again, so much improvement).  My younger son also needs me as advocate and guide, as he is a child who learns differently at school.  He needs me to be patient and compassionate as he manages having intense anger at the age of 8 years.

photo 2 (22)

There are a lot of appointments going around.  But this is how it is.

I want to stay grounded and give to myself as much as I can.  I’m going to take more days to myself this year.  I’m going to do things like go to Hot Springs Places or go for a hike with my husband while we both play hookie.  I’m going to take the time to sit in stillness, to let the Goddess/Spirit flow through my veins.  I’m also letting my addictions rage a bit, recognizing that they’re a bit helpful right now, and I don’t have the energy to make a change anyway.  I’m going to make this next year of job creation active and alive.  This might involve some ass kicking, as I can let myself take forever to get crap done!  I promise to myself to keep at least one foot moving swiftly.

photo 3 (12)

I have just started seeing a therapist and it feels really good.  How all the myriad of weekly mom/kid appointments will affect me will soon be known.  Next week my older son starts school and my younger son begins play therapy, an official start to the fast pace that will be my life for the next several months.  Wish me well.

photo 3 (4)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

Sitting In The Fire

photo (3)

Sitting in the fire, this is the theme that has been on my mind for weeks.  It began with a desire to write a post about how to attend to depression and anxiety using a variety of alternative methods I had been exploring.  This was when I still felt like I was gasping for air as I sat within the smoky flames of extreme, anxious emotion.  I was relying on so much to help me breathe; crystals, essential oil, soothing music, meditation.  It felt like a long, unending uphill hike with a summit I could not see.

photo 5

Now I know that I can move around the flames, allowing the air that feeds the fire to feed me as well.  Discomfort is still present, rising and falling like the flames themselves, changing form as they are fed through my very own breath.  Can I sit within the fire of this discomfort, knowing that at any given moment it may intensity and become a large, roaring inferno?  After 8 weeks off, soon I will return to work.  After 8 weeks off, my 2 challenging boys will return to school.  The demands will be great and the stress high. I know this!  Yet I wish to soften it, breathe into it, let the fire that has felt suffocating become a source of primal energy and empowerment.  Fire can be many things; it can end life and give it fuel to grow.  It can destroy quickly and also restore vital energy through the heat that matches our own internal body signatures.  What is left after fire is ash, recognized as protection in many shamanic and magical circles of life.  I must sit in the fire of my discomfort and find nourishing, life-giving air.  I must let the heat fuel me vs. run screaming in pain.  I must find coherency as my body becomes attuned to the heat, becoming one with it, allowing the crystals of alignment within me to grow as flame grows with breath.  I cannot just wish this.  I must be this.

photo 1

I have moved away from feeling victimized by this body and the emotions that have often left me feeling helpless and unable to cope, yet this is recent and I have not gone far.  It feels terrifying as I walk head on into the flames that have once devoured me.  Yet it is Persephone who goes down to the flames of the underworld each year, only to reemerge as Spring Herself, full of budding life and growth.  I must have faith that as I consciously choose to sit within the heat of discomfort, that I will melt, change and transform.  Let all that has not served burn away.  Let the alchemy of fire change what has once been hard and painful, to soft, liquid Source.  Let the heat become the medium that transmutes myself from caterpillar to the great winged butterfly that flew inside my soul some time ago, waiting to be birthed.  May I stand within the flames that are my life with vigor, no matter the heat.  May I be the Phoenix rising.

photo 4

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

Spiritual Express

photo (93)

I received such an outpouring of love from so many beautiful souls with my last post (http://runninginwater.com/2014/07/22/love-letter/).  It made me realize how incredibly healing it is to express my complete essence and have it witnessed and mirrored by others.  I have experienced such an alchemical week.  It was only last Monday that I sat down and wrote my love letter, the conscious decision to walk toward the light vs. collapse into darkness.  Since then I have had a major shift with how I think and view myself.  It began as a string of events which I will share with you now.

The day after I wrote the love letter, I sat with my Shamanic teacher and shared with her my feelings.  She insisted we journey together, so I laid myself down on the sofa with music and headset, pressed play on a 10 minute drumming session, and closed my eyes.  The question suggested by my teacher was about the darkness and why it was there.

Immediately I saw myself in tribal wear, standing on the backs of crocodiles as we rode down the river.  A long line of these ancient, reptile creatures extended both in front and behind me as we flowed in rhythm to the moving water.  I felt strong and powerful as I stood tall, a staff in my left hand standing at my side.  I felt incredibly empowered, a feeling I had not experienced in a long time.

I sat with this experience for the next 2 days, not fully understanding.  I received an anointing (an ancient practice of using essential oils, crystals and tuning forks to move energy) from a priestess sister and afterward sat with the sister who had worked on my body.  As she talked my journey suddenly became clear, as if someone was narrating words to a short video.  She told me to wear my depression and intense feelings like a badge of armor, something to own and find power in.  As she talked I felt the empowerment rush in, that feeling of standing tall on the backs of crocodiles as we rode down the river.  I suddenly knew that I could handle all of it, the intensity of the ride in this human body, the depression, the anger, the anxiety.  I was not a victim.  I could do it.

The next day I set aside time to meditate and made a sand-painting, something I had been desiring to create.  Here is a picture:

photo 2 (23)

Like the journey, the sand painting is making itself known in bits and pieces.  There is a central vertical line running from top to bottom that has direct meaning for me:  the red rock on the bottom center is tiger iron, charged by an ascended master.*  It represents the first 3 chakras, those that need the most healing in my body.   Above that is my butterfly of transformation and above that my favorite crystal, pink quartz.  Pink quartz is special to me, as it represents the giver and receiver of unconditional love, something I am working on in this life time.  Above this is a rock that was a gift from my husband, a being I love deeply and want to deepen with.  The rest makes a beautiful design that is ultimately crowned by a dolphin and sea shells.  I saw dolphins yesterday at the beach and was overcome with tearful beauty.  It pierced my heart as it washed through me.

The next day I sat in ceremony with the Wise Woman/Crone.  Her message is one of letting go, of becoming a witness to one’s own ego.  It is a lesson in impartiality, as the Wise Woman/Crone does not get triggered by life’s many difficulties.  She knows that life is going to happen anyway so you might as well take it with grace and a sense of humor.   Today has been a day of high anxiety.  I sat down to meditate with Kuan Yin, the Goddess of Compassion, yet it was not She who heeded my call.  It was the Wise Woman/Crone who appeared, helping me dissolve my feelings of stress as her relaxed demeanor became liquid running through my veins.  It was She who helped me get through the day.

I am a spiritual warrior.  I live with depression, addiction and find parenting more challenging than I ever could have imagined (http://runninginwater.com/2012/08/11/my-story/ ; http://runninginwater.com/2012/11/18/my-storymy-other-son/).  Like many, I have a wounded past and have stood outside my life for most of my existence.  My quest this year has been one of total integration, of finding authentic presence.

I am going to continue to ride crocodiles down the river.  To call in the Wise Woman when I feel myself falter.  To pave this spiritual path I walk with my own footprints, no matter how frantic or angry or depressed are my steps.  I am going to continue to share my experience with others, for my life to become the mirror of oneness that binds us all as soul brothers and sisters.  I beckon you, walk with me.

photo (96)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

*For info on charged tiger iron and the ascended master, go to : http:// tdjacobs.com

 

Crossing The Threshold

photo (93)

My heart is heavy.  I stood in ceremony with the Goddess ISIS last Sunday, and crossed the threshold to let go of anything that is not complete and total truth in my life.  This means letting go of the belief that LIFE=Pain, something I have come to understand has been my modus operandi for a long time.  Life=Pain has left me with an inability to handle the challenges that have come my way without serious numbing or dissociation of what has been most intense.  And while I have written post after post about how I am committed to this opening, of shedding the layers of gunk I have equated with safety and protection, now that I am smack dab in the middle of this rawness it feels like my heart will break with pain.  This crossing has been in conjunction with my family leaving for 2 weeks, without me.  In finishing work and deadlines, and moving into more training as my role as Priestess, I had not allowed myself to tap into how this alone time might be.  I felt it looming a few days prior to their departure, and yesterday a deep well of loneliness descended upon me like a thick and immobilizing fog.

This loneliness is old, one I backtracked to residing in my being as early as 5 years of age, likely earlier.  This is just when I have concrete memories of feeling scared in the face of the community I called my family, my school, my neighborhood.  Children were cruel to me from a young age, and I had no adult super-heroes coming to my rescue, as many of them were committing crimes against me as well.  Life=Pain was seeded young, as it has been for many of us.  It is so hard to have faith that there is something beyond this, that there is a way out of the sticky web of self-doubt and depression that clings to you like Poison Ivy, spreading every which way without serious intervention.

There are no accidents.  I have been asking for authenticity for a long time, have taken two steps forward and one step back in this dance I am doing with truth.  I have gone back and forth with consuming agents of self-sabotage, anything to make it easier, more bearable, to let in what is real.  I now know there is no way to what is real except through this unbearable pain, to transmute it.

Years ago I crossed another threshold, one that brought me to a place of just feeling my grief, which had been boxed up and shut away my entire life.  Every time I got close to it I ran, never letting myself have the experience of grieving what I had been through in my years of living.  Feeling=annihilation.  Through time I learned this was not so, that in feeling what was there and shedding my tears, tremendous release could take place.

Now I can be vulnerable.  I can feel and cry with ease, and have experienced true empowerment in my ability to be an open channel with my feelings.  But I can’t stay with it.  I have not fully let these experiences go as my feelings continue to remain more pain than joy.  I have learned how to co-exist with them, but it is clear they are still running the show.

I had thought that crossing the threshold meant rising above my story of LIFE=Pain, that in my deep desire I would magically release this way of existing in the world.  Now I see that what I crossed was a threshold of willingness to be in it.  Of being in this pain so fully that I have no choice but to transmute it, or let it kill me.

I don’t know how I will do this, but I do know I am not going to hole up and let myself retract till I’m broken.  I need to reach out; to the sisterhood I have found, to the others out there who wish to heal, not only themselves but this beautiful planet that continues to care for humanity despite our mistreatment, and to the wonderful teachers that are so readily available in this day and age of instant connection.

I can only continue to move forward.  I’ll let you know how it goes 🙂

photo 1 (14)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography by Diana Ray

New Moon in Cancer Flower Bowl Embracing Self-Love

photo 1 (13)

(rose, coreopsis, fuschia, jasmine, african basil, pansy, valerian, nasturtium, alstroemeria, scabiosa, dianthus, sunflower)

New Moon:  During this phrase the moon is dark, not visible in the sky.  From this day forward it begins to grow with light, sliver by sliver, until it can fill no more and the moon is full.  New moons are a time to plant a seed, make an intention or wish for oneself.  Baby and nurture this wish until the moon is full, on the 12th of July.

Astrological Sign of Cancer:  Cancer rules the heart and our emotions, our ability to give and receive love in our life and how we express and process our emotions generally.

Tomorrow the moon will be new in Cancer.  I have just come off a 6 day retreat where the ongoing message for me was love, love, love yourself.  Step out of the place of hiding, of fear of living fully, fear of places that are too hard, too rigid, too tight.  The irony is that in this act of hiding I have kept myself small, and have created anyway the life I have been trying my damndest to avoid; one that is hard, rigid and tight.  Denying myself full immersion into this world has kept my energy stagnant, spiraling in on itself, pooling in my body in a way that I know does not serve me and will surely cause disease.  I am a bud that has been standing in my own shadow too long, depriving myself of sun and energy and sustenance.  What is there truly to be afraid of?  Disease, loss or death?  If I were to die tomorrow can I say I let myself be fully a part of this world?  I cannot.  Losing everyone I love would be scary.  Knowing I could not face life when I was alive is even scarier.  I have lived with incredible stress my whole life; with escape my preferred modality of coping.  In my remembrance that I am Priestess, that I am in service to the Earth, Unity and the Current that flows through all living things, I have caught glimpses of what it would mean to live life from this place, to tap into this current with surrender.  While it feels like I can’t handle it, that it’s too hard to be real with the emotional ups and down that come from living an authentic life, I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t being tortured by my continuation to avoid it.  Yes, it will be hard.  I come from a long line of dysfunction and abuse that goes back many generations and resides in my being on a cellular level.  Being authentic means feeling it fully.  But if I wish to transmute this, transform myself, I must be real and let it all in.  So I take a stand.  A radical stand of self-love that involves embracing myself as I do my children, with the utmost tender-hearted unconditional love that I know radiates from my being.  I deserve this.  We all do.  So with this new moon in Cancer, my intention is to dive into the best possible practice of self-care and love that I can muster.  That means moving out of hiding and into the light.  To let the bud that I am grow and expand until I am a blooming flower with the sweetest of nectar’s.  Winged creatures will come far and wide to drink from my well.  That is the depth of the belief I take as I dig my hole, drop in my seed and watch it grow.

photo 2 (19)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography by Diana Ray

The Magic of the Medicine Bag

photo (92)

Today is a slippery day.  Not the kind of liquid surrender you feel when water is washing over you, but the kind of wet that makes it hard to find ones footing and get grounded.  I can’t seem to stick to my convictions, and I am slipping all over the place.

I decided to make a new medicine bag.  My dog actually ate my old one, which really upset me as it was the first medicine bag I made.  I managed to salvage the baby mourning dove feather, although it is a little smooshed.  The rest is gone, although can be re-created 🙂

I was going to do some research on the best herbs to facilitate grounding and focus.  I still may do this, but I am not going to wait as my soul is in need of something immediate.  The image that came to me was a re-playing of a vision I had while shamanic journeying.*  I was given a context before starting, of asking the Earth for wisdom.  I was immediately taken to the open desert, where I danced before the fire.  An Isis type goddess came to me and told me I needed grounding.  She then picked me up, held me high, and planted me firmly in the Earth.  Any movement after this was very difficult, as I had been rooted deeply up to my knees!  I then became a snake and began shedding my skin….

After this experience, I began a second journey, this one involving a rock.  I was to talk to the spirit of the rock, and see if it had any messages for me.  I held the little pink rock on my heart chakra as I began. Again I traveled, this time to a 90 degree sheer face of rock, the mother of the baby rock I held against my heart.  I lay my body against this massive piece of Earth as it spoke to me.  It told me that what I held against my heart was actually a small fragment of a much greater force.  A force that is solid, protective, powerful and energetic.  Pure Earth energy.  I am to surrender to this force, like water.  In my act of surrender, of giving in to this life current, I can than harness this Earth energy and use it in my daily life.  It is there for me to access and wants to help.

photo 3 (9)

I know without a doubt that this little pink rock is going inside the medicine bag, along with the mourning dove feather (love with my partner and children), a fimo bead of the Goddess Diana, (the first Goddess I remembered), some lavender (calm, soothing) and ash (protection).  I may add more to this bag, but for now I am going to assemble it and wear it for the next bunch of days.  If there is any way to get solid with convictions and living purely from the heart, a piece of Mother Earth will surely do.

photo (91)

Blessings on your own journey to peace of heart!

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

*Shamanic Journeying:  through the beat of drums and rattles, one goes in a trance like state where they can travel and meet any number of spirit guides or helpers.

As It Grows

photo 1 (12)

It starts with this.  Something so beautiful that I have to try to capture its spiritual essence, bottle it a little, share it with others.  It is this act alone, of finding depth with beauty and wanting to share it,  that feeds my soul.

photo 2 (17)

It’s a dynamic shape; growing, changing, expanding.  Becoming large.  So large that I want to get deep inside the beauty, get up close and drink it in, have that image melt-me into spiritual bliss.

photo 3 (8)

I wish I could live my life with the same simple beauty that is this flower.  Going through all the stages of life, never skipping or skimping or shorting itself.  Arriving at the fullest expression of its very presence at just the right moment.  The fullest expression of this flower is that which is most spectacular.

photo 4 (4)

And it bowls you over, the joy that clings to you.  You want to wear it forever like any other body part.  To keep it familiar, alive, available.  Connecting with life essence, that is what this is.

 

And yes, it is spectacular 🙂

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography by Diana Ray

 

June Flower Bowl/Balance and Integrity

photo (86)(Jasmine, nasturtium, verbena, abutilon, alstroemeria, dahlia, mum, lavender, rosemary, viola, pansy, azalea, wallflower, passion-flower, calendula)

Today the moon is full in Sagittarius.  Adventure, pushing boundaries and exploring unknown territory are all aspects of this potent energy.  It is a day for walking through new doors, and exploring ones edges and fears.  I myself am going to be thinking about what it means to have balance and integrity, as I dapple with magical herbs that can have an altering effect. There have been times when I have been poor with both balance and integrity.  But the goal is to keep going, moving forward, embracing these aspects of living in the highest regard.  Balance and integrity within this moon of adventure, is what I seek to hold today.

May the moon shine bright in your life, both today and beyond 🙂

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

New Moon In Gemini/The Gift of Alchemy

photo 3 (3)

Tomorrow the moon will be new in Gemini.  New moons are a time to make a wish, cast a spell, and lay an intention for something to unfold.  Gemini is ruled by Mercury, which governs our thoughts and ideas.  This new moon is an opportunity to clear the mind of disquieting thoughts, begin a project, or generally seek new patterns of thinking and moving through the world.  Personally I am going to be looking to this new moon as an opportunity to seek wisdom as I struggle with some very potent anxiety.  Just the idea of making this intention softens me to this place of struggle, allows me to hold it with compassion, vs. anger that it is there.

photo 4 (1)

In traditional tarot Mercury was known as the Magician, the great Alchemist.*   The ability to change, transmute, from one state of being to another.  This is the power that lies within this new moon.  To change with intention, how we think and see the world.  We are our own ingredients in the cauldron of this new moon.  Welcome the stirring and mixing, and the inevitable newness that comes when such magic is cast…..

photo 2 (13)

Make your intention.  Light a candle, write it down, burn it or bury in the Earth.  Create an affirmation that you say over and over, every day, beyond this new moon.  Let it ripen and grow as the moon itself moves towards its full state, on the 12th of June, when the power of that intention will bear its fruit for you to savor.

photo 3 (2)

Have a Blessed Day/Eve!

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

 

*From Mooncircles.com (I love them)

Full Moon in Scorpio Flower Bowl/Depth and Insight

Month of April

photo (85)

(Dahlia, hydrangea, thyme, rosemary, columbine, passion-flower, fuchsia, heliotrope, penstemon, dianthus, primrose, pansy, mum, verbena, peppermint, alstroemeria, saliva)

The Full Moon in Scorpio is a promise that what lies deep will rise to the surface. Today is a good day to see and feel with depth and honor what you see, whether it be joy or pain.  Any connection with source is a gift.

Today is a day for ritual.  Write your desires down on paper, bury them in the Great Mother Earth, and then bury an offering of some kind; food, a token, anything special.   Or, make up your own ritual by following your intuition.  It will be strong today and not let you down.

This flower bowl is an offering to the Goddess.  On it I have a magic wand I made to charge with today’s energy.

photo 1 (4)

May the tide of today’s energy bless you with insight!

photo 2 (4)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

 

Beltane Bursting

photo 2 (13)

There is so much lush heat and budding energy from Beltane that I cannot help but post a long, long line of my floral photography.  Enjoy!

photo 1 (6)

photo 1 (11)

 

photo (80)

photo 2 (2)

photo 3 (4)

photo (57)

photo 1 (10)

photo 1 (3)

photo (24)

photo 2 (2)

photo (71)

Okay, now take a breath!

photo (66)

photo (66)

photo (51)

photo (29)

top of plum tree

photo (72)

photo (69)

photo (78)

photo 3 (2)

photo (85)

photo 2 (12)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

 

Re-Title: Finding Solace In Spirt

photo 4 (1)

As I struggle with what it feels like to be off antidepressants, to no longer consume numbing agents in order to cope with life, remembering that MAGIC IS EVERYWHERE has been my saving grace.  Walking through a magical portal, hugging my favorite tree and feeling its deep roots ground me into Earth, using these images to find peace within the chaos that once consumed me, that is TRUE MAGIC.  Holding this space for myself when times are hard is the alchemy I surrender to, for within this alchemy lies unlimited transformation.

photo 5 (1)

photo 2 (7)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography by Diana Ray

Cooking with Aphrodites Love

photo (65)

This week-end I will be sitting in ceremony with Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love.  I plan to make an offering of a Love Mist…

photo (70)

This is my first attempt at making an essential oil, with a homemade sill I made with my own kitchen gadgets.*  I gathered my flowers;  a combination of roses, lavender and jasmine.  I wish I had more, but the end result was about 1.5 quarts.

photo 1 (3)

I put the flowers in a big pot with a rounded lid.  I put a soapstone statue in the center of the pot, and rested a quart size glass bowl on top of the statue.  The bowl was elevated above the flowers.  I poured in enough water just to cover the flowers, and let this come to a rolling boil.

photo 2 (3)

Then I flipped the rounded lid over, and dumped a bag of ice on top of the rounded lid.  As the steam in the pot rose up and hit the cold lid, it condensed and dropped down into the glass bowl.  The end result was this!

photo (84)

You can see the difference between this concoction and the one I made just by boiling   rose petals in water.  The smell is different too; more fragrant and potent with the sill.

photo 1 (4)

I can’t wait to sit in ceremony and make my offering to Aphrodite and my fellow Priestess Sisters who will be joining me.  I love this work and feel so complete when I give myself over to the Great Mother and all she has to offer…

photo (64)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

*Information about distilling obtained from Herbal Recipes for a Vibrant Health, by Rosemary Gladstone

April Flower Bowl/Full Moon Musings

photo 1 (1)

Impatience, Pansy, Passion Flower, Primrose, Dianthus, Delphinium, Viola, Cosmos,  Snapdragon, Peppermint, Spearmint, Sage, Parsley, Lavender, Rose

Tonight I sat in ceremony with the Lunar Eclipse/Full Blood Moon in Libra. I made my flower bowl this morning, and let my magic wand bathe in the energy of this powerful configuration all day.

photo 5

I do not know all the mysteries of this Full Blood Moon (although there is a lot of wonderful information out there!), and I often wonder what it means to be a modern-day Priestess or Witch; with our busy, individual lives, so different from the tribal life that was once practiced before much of it was driven far from the norm.

photo 1 (2)

Yet I do know this:  as long as I trust my own instincts and inner guide to connect me with the Goddess, to show me Her magic, I will soar.  It doesn’t matter how much I’ve learned or remembered from ancient times, that information is becoming readily abundant, and I’ve made the commitment to be a conscious part of it til I die.  But listening to my own instincts, and letting my own desires dictate how I worship, that is true connection to Spirit.

photo 2 (2)

I feel blessed to be part of such a beautiful planetary awakening.

photo 4

 

photo 3 (1)

Diana Ray/April Aronoff

Photography By Diana Ray

Remembrance

photo (78)
Mother Earth,

help me to remember

your ways of old,

the tides of the seasons,

the animals,

this body,

signatures that when joined

create a melody so sonorous

I howl with joy.

photo (82)

Mother Earth,

help me to remember

the forgotten laws,

the marriage of Sun, Moon and Earth,

time that moves

when I close my eyes,

go in, drop down,

a pulsing so deep

I wish to crawl inside.

photo (79)

Mother Earth,

help me to remember

when I knew

Your Will innate,

knelt in homage,

kissed your feet,

felt your blessing seal that caress,

spiral this life

a never-ending mixing

HER-SHE-ME!

without beginning

without end

an emblem of oneness

again and again.

photo (83)

 

Diana Ray

Photography By Diana Ray

March Flower Bowl/The Muse

 

photo (76)

(trumpet vine, primrose, wisteria, passion flower, azalea, verbena, viola,impatience, hellebore, clematis)

Mother (Earth)-

Show me your grace,

ease,

like thick liquid

pouring through every

space and crevice

of my anatomy,

scouring away

resentment,

anger,

fixity,

polishing what is light

and bright

and love

within me,

like a river whose flow

is so cold, and clean,

one drop anoints thee,

so what starts as desire

is embodied, embedded,

within this body,

as deep and familiar

as cells dividing,

memories unfolding,

dreams remembered,

of a life as She.

photo (74)

Diana Ray

Photography by Diana Ray

My Wish/The Magic of The Three

photo (80)

My Wish

To be a beautiful flower at the height of abundance,

every stem, cell and fiber

an outpouring of beauty and love;

To be a ladybug, pulled by scent to feed from that flower,

knowing that its life giving tonic will fertilize and inspire;

To be what lies between when the two come together,

a transferring of life and symbiosis from one being to another;

That is the magic of the three.

photo (82)

photo (83)

Diana Ray

Photography By Diana Ray

 

Happy Candelmas!

photo (66)

Last night I participated in a lovely ritual for Imbolc, or Candelmas.  This is a special holiday marking a change in the seasons, the half-way point between Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox.  This is a time when light begins to shine longer, buds begin their first ascent in warmer climates, and growth makes its first appearance.

“What do you wish to grow in your life?” we were asked.  When we knew, we lit a candle, and as a group blessed it so.  I wish to grow Balance.  Here are some images that reflect what I aspire to alchemize in my deepest self.  Everywhere, I see life in all stages of bloomage.

photo (71)photo (72)

photo (65)photo (69)

photo (70)

photo (73)

top of plum tree

May the light shine in you as well!

Much peace,

Diana Ray

Photography by Diana Ray

February 2014 Flower Bowl

photo (77)

 February 2014 Flower Bowl

Primrose, heliotrope, sage, hellebore, viola, impatience, verbena, wallflower, rosemary, cyclamen, fuscia

I cannot help but want to make everything in my garden an utter delight of the senses.  The different shapes and colors of Mother Earth reflected in her endless flora, water fountains falling, flowing, the smell of Pink Jasmine mixed with Rose heavy in the air. It is so sacred, so deep. I want this to linger always,to make every moment a reflection of my deep communion with Mother Earth.

photo (79)

photo (78)

Diana Ray

Photography by Diana Ray

Poem To Om Kali Ma

photo (63)

Om Kali Ma,

you filled me with rage

what seemed like endless grief

and the need to wail, scream, expend,

howl with eruption

like the blood that gushes gummy and thick,

an outpouring of death amid my heaviest flow.

 

Is it no wonder

that the moon was in Scorpio

when I felt your stinging knife

pierce through my shroud?

 

Grief, tears,

a rage so deep it felt beyond me,

this skin, these cells,

the life I have lived these past 43 years.

 

Yet despite the depth

the tears flowed easily,

my diaphragm rising and falling

like a call to some other season,

the need to shed common, understood,

a cycle of molting and re-birth,

a ceremony of transition innate to every being.

 

So close to the surface

Om Kali Ma it felt like home,

so deep in my belly and loins

I know this goes beyond me,

to my sisters, my mother,

and all the blood that lay before.

To my children and their endless fighting,

to my nieces who have suffering

in their hearts and in their minds,

to my oldest friend with cancer

growing slowly in her body.

 

Om Kali Ma,

I knew you would be powerful,

I sensed it in the days preceding,

the subtle contraction and tightening

that pounded my temples,

Your Temple really,

this body if mine.

 

Om Kali Ma,

how could I have

forgotten you when I was young?

An innocent in frantic need

of your awesome, raging power,

feeling like grief would annihilate me,

ignorant of your other faces:

Re-birth, Creation, Liberation!

So I hid, held on tighter,

fled as though my life were in danger.

 

Yet is was the hiding

and tightness that ate me away,

small and pitiful I sat in my shadow,

needing release but being unable,

my fear an enemy of my most highest self,

until desperation finally grabbed me

and forced me to cry.

 

Om Kali Ma,

I grieve in knowing

that those I love do not know you,

have never been taught

The Power That Lies

In The Flames Of Your Destruction,

out of the ashes,

the chaos,

the fire burning hell

that inflicts everyone

and anyone

at some point or another,

Sprouts New Life.

 

How could I have lived

without you before now?

How does anyone?

These are fallen leaves, or leaves about to fall, from my hydrangea plant. They are completely in the process of dying, yet so beautiful to look at. In the end, all that will be left will be dirt; food for the next time around. This plant is actually feeding itself. And so the cycle continues! Happy Solstice and Happy New Year! Diana Ray

Diana Ray

Photography By Diana Ray